Many people have different definitions of what they believe domestic violence is. However, what people consider as abuse is not always accurate. According to The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the definition of domestic violence is, “A pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person with whom an intimate relationship is or has been shared through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence.”
This definition indicates that intimate partner abuse is happening even when there is no physical violence occurring. There can still be domestic violence present in a relationship by means of threats or verbal abuse or in any way one partner tries to have power and control over the other.
Domestic Violence affects us all
Domestic violence has become a societal problem that effects us or the people we know. Fortunately, more attention is being placed on the issue and as a result more and more people are being educated about domestic violence. We are learning that anyone can fall prey to intimate partner abuse. This means there is not any one population of people that domestic violence happens to. Domestic violence does not discriminate between race, culture, sex, socioeconomic status, religion, education level or any other form.
Domestic Violence is about control
A perpetrator of domestic violence may abuse their partner by way of physical abuse, sexual abuse or by verbal or mental abuse. The abuse may start out not happening very frequently, but usually the number of domestic violence incidents continue to increase over time. This dispels a common myth that many victims of domestic violence say, which is that "it was only one time".
Perpetrators are known for being great manipulators and will try to control anything and everything that they can. This includes, but is not limited to: finances, using children to control the victim, isolation from family and friends, blaming the victim, denying that certain incidents even happened, making the victim feel as if they are going crazy, name calling, yelling, screaming, extreme jealousy, throwing things, breaking things, pushing or punching and making threats.
This is not a complete list of the abuse that many victims of domestic violence experience by any means. However these are found to be the most common forms of control.
The cycle of Domestic Violence
Typically after an episode of abuse, what is known as the “honeymoon period” begins. This is indicative of the perpetrator saying sorry and promising never to do "that" again. They may buy the domestic violence victim flowers, take them out to dinner, etc. The length of time this period lasts varies from person to person, but usually lasts at least a few days, but may even last for a few months. There is then the escalation leading up to another incident and the cycle of violence continues.
Why do Domestic Violence victims stay?
Many people wonder why victims of abuse stay in an abusive relationship. The main thing to remember is that these relationships did not typically start out as abusive. Nor did the abuse happen overnight. It is a gradual change in the person’s behavior that a victim may not realize right away. They may have children with this person and because of the control that is used, feel powerless to change the situation. They also remember the good times they have had with their partner. As much as they do not by any means enjoy the abuse, they love who their partner is when the abuse is not happening; as abuse often times does not happen daily.
Help is available
It is important for victims of domestic violence to know that help is available to them. There are domestic violence shelters all over the united states. These organizations are dedicated to helping victims to overcome their situation. Their primary goal is to make sure that the victim gets to a safe place as well as to help them in any way they can.
Need help? Call the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
If you are a victim of domestic violence please call The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence at: 1-800-799-SAFE ( 7233) to be connected with local shelters or domestic violence resources in your area. Help is available, please make the first step by making that first call for help. The hotline is open 24 hours a day in order to be able to help victims and their families day or night. Take this positive step in the right direction. No one deserves to be abused.
Source:
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence(2011). Domestic Violence Facts. Retrieved from http://www.ncadv.org
Amanda Presho - Amanda holds a BA in social services. She works in the social services arena with an emphasis in assisting the homeless population, as ...
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